the Competitive Mom
We have all met one... or, if you are a super unfortunate person, you've met more than one.
We all know her type ... her kid is better than yours, her house is better, her car is newer, her Starbucks order is longer...
Some of the saints among us tolerate her because they do not want to "hurt her feelings" - though she shows no signs of caring about yours.
But none of us like her.
We see her coming across the preschool parking lot and know that if we make eye contact, we will be subjected to the exaggerated stories of her husband's latest pay raise and her child's most recent academic success.
She won't wait around to hear any of your success stories -
she's definitely not going to ask. Mostly because she doesn't care.
Some days, when she is feeling generous, you do get a word in!
After her 20 minute spew about her latest trip to Disney, you try to add a few of your family's Disney memories in as well - perhaps have an ACTUAL CONVERSATION with this person. But come to find out, your trip wasn't as nice as hers - and she explains all the reasons why.
After all, she can't let you walk away feeling as though you have something in common, let alone slightly better than her!
*gasp*
Her main purpose in seeking you out is to tell you how awesome she is...
and, that's it!
But, why?
Why does this woman do this to you? Why does she tell you all these things and leave you feeling drained ... kinda like a failure?
Do you walk away angry sometimes? I know I have.
I have felt like I just needed to give her a "piece of my mind".
But, for what? So I can look like a Looney Tune in the school parking lot?
Because that's all that would really come of it.
Could I nicely tell her that she's a total prick? Probably not.
All these things have crossed my mind before, until it dawned on me that I should actually take pity on this woman.
This woman is spending her life - her time and energy, trying to convince other people that her life is great.
Which means, it really isn't.
People that are truly happy and content do not need this additional validation - especially from people who, at the end of the day, really do not care.
I have personally seen a mom make a vehicle purchase based on another mom getting a new car - going further into debt because you can not let someone else have a newer car than you? Sad!
She spends her time trying to convince you of all the money she and her husband have and all the awesome things they like to blow their money on.
These women used to make me feel like "I just HAVE to show her that she isn't all that great - she needs to be taken down a notch! and I am the one who is going to do it!"
But then I had an amazing friend tell me that I should actually pray for this person. Which of course I did not do at first - because I am hard-headed.
But I finally did, and that's when the anger turned to pity.
I felt bad for her. She's trapped.
Trapped by the idea that her sole worth is wrapped up in impressing other people. When you break it down and pull back the facade you see a very insecure individual battling her self-worth -
looking to everyone else for acceptance.
Maybe the competitive mom in your life is more passive aggressive... she just has to make a few comments here and there to rob you of your joy.
Don't let her.
Maybe this woman has tried to make you question a big parenting decision you've already made.
Don't listen to her.
Maybe she has to go out and buy the better version of something you have.
Let her.
Maybe she copies a lot of the things you do... your social media posts, your vacations, your clothes...
Whatever. Who cares!?
If someone wants to spend their life trying to be someone else -
let them just have at it!
The burning question - why has she singled ME out??
Most likely answer - jealously.
"Imitation is the highest form of flattery." (though, also, the most annoying).
The biggest obstacle when dealing with someone like this is getting your mind to turn it off.
If you don't, it can consume you and totally rob you of the joys in your life -
big and small.
Ignore her. Keep conversations extremely short - even if it means cutting her off mid-sentence in the parking lot of the school. You do not need to stand there and listen to the garbage! Eventually, she will move on.
Let this person go. Rid yourself of the problem. But do pray for her.
Friends add to one another and encourage one another. Friends are happy for one another AND their family. Friends are not boastful. Friends are kind. Friendships are mutual - not one sided.
It is not motherhood that brought the "one up-ing" out in this woman... she's probably always been this way.
Motherhood has just provided her a new audience.
Being a competitive mom comes down to total insecurity and immaturity.
If these feelings of self-doubt takes you over from time to time and you feel the need to try and "out-do" another mom, you need to check yourself.
Because it isn't them - it's you.
Ladies, let's have conversations about our lives without making it a competition!!!
Let's discuss vaccinations without someone walking away hating the other person. Let's talk about breastfeeding without someone getting cussed out. Let's talk about our birth stories without judgment.
And seriously... let's keep money out of it. Since when did it become so acceptable to tell someone your entire financial story in 10 minutes while standing in the coffee shop parking lot? Let's keep that to ourselves, shall we?
At the end of the day....
don't be this person....
rid yourself of the toxic people in your life...
and pray for the Competitive Mom.