I am a Submissive Wife.
Did any of you ever see the pilot for The Submissive Wife's Guide on TLC?
Outrage.
Feminist the world over cried for days about this show. I saw so many posts about how the life of a "submissive wife" was degrading and so on and so on.... bleeding hearts of the world unite!
I personally, loved it. I was sad that a full season did not air because of the backlash.
We have shows air all the time of cable TV that show how different families from different cultures, backgrounds, religions and stories live. We deem it cultural and inclusive.
But - do not DARE show any sort of traditional values or Evangelical Christian beliefs on a show. People might see something that reflects the Lord and make a positive change.
So - my take?
So much to say....
First, a submissive wife does not let her husband "walk all over her". She first marries a man that she has full confidence in treating her as a Biblical wife - as Christ did the Church (Ephesians 5:25) - meaning he will lay down his life for her. REAL MEN don't walk all over women, especially his wife.
Anyone who knows me knows I am pretty outspoken. I also come from a family of strong females - mostly lead by the women in the family. In my marriage, I choose to be a submissive wife.
*GASP*
Am I included in decisions? Yup.
Do I speak my mind? Definitely.
Do I always get my way? Nope. Who ever does???
Does he get the final say? Some times.
Best example I can give of a big decision my husband and I disagreed on and finally came to an understanding over... our kid's education.
I want to home-school and cringe at the thought of sending my kids to the public schools in our area. My husband sees nothing wrong with the school system and is appalled by all things home-school related. This "discussion" - very heated discussion - went on for years. Literally.
I read once that good men have a hard time getting angry with a woman who is calm in her demeanor and tone. I have found this to be true and the best way to approach a conversation that both sides are passionate about, but in different ways.
So, after having several unproductive discussions about why my thoughts on home-schooling were way better than his ideas about public school, I changed my approach.
I will go take a look at some schools if you (husband) will go take a look at the
Home-school Co-op with me.
And that is what we did.
Did I get my way? Nope.
We compromised on a smaller private school.
But the point is, in being a Submissive Wife I didn't just say Well, darn, I hate the boys are going to have to go to the school down the street but my husband said so, so that's that.
But, crying and trying to make my husband "just give in" was not the right approach either. Giving the silent treatment and pouting wasn't the right thing to do.
Calmly and rationally approaching him with my concerns was the best way. Not trying to dominate or nag him to death.
(Proverbs 27:15) "A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm"
So, we found a compromise. A compromise is not always possible. In that case, I think you just really have to pick and choose what is worth the persistence in trying to change your husband's mind. Most of the time, if we are being honest with ourselves, the fight is not worth having.
(2 Timothy 2:23) "Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels."
The Bible does speak to pointing out sin in our spouse. REAL SIN. Not the you-left-the-toilet-seat-up-again type of sin. But they type of sin directly against the Word of God. But, even this type of conversation is supposed to be done in a gentle and compassionate tone, no matter how difficult that may be at the time. If you are not in a position to start a conversation at an even tone, you may need to wait for another time.
(2 Timothy 2:25 & 26) "Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will."
The old saying is true -
Choose your battles wisely.
Is this topic honestly worth an entire evening of tension? Is this conversation really worth having?
I remember when I was first married seeing women in my life turn and roll their eyes at something annoying their husband did.
How can they just laugh that off?
No wonder he acts like that! She just let's him do whatever!
All I can say is... I have grown up A LOT since then.
You know what marriage has taught me? I'm a horrible person.
I had the hardest time putting someone else before myself. I had the hardest time seeing my husband as the person he was INSTEAD of the person I thought he should be.
I was the one that was wrong. I was the one who needed to change - my behavior.
My attitude.
Is that being submissive? The Bible tells me to bring my husband good and not harm. (Proverbs 31:12) all the days of my life.
If that means letting him do those quirky things that annoy me because they are harmless and for some reason make him happy - then I will. All the days of my life.
Does that mean that I can bring his dinner plate to the table while he sits there after a full day of work? Yup. Because it's good. It's humble.
You are instructed to have a servant's heart - at home and out in the world. If the thought of "serving" your husband his dinner plate makes you cringe - you have a problem in your heart. It's not him. It's definitely not the Lord who make the mistake. It's your heart.
"We submit to God's authority when we submit to our husband's authority."
Being a submissive wife does not mean you do not have a backbone - you are the following his lead because you have his back throughout this life. It's power.
You make or break the household as the mother and wife!
If you have a hard time grasping the concept, you need to recheck your views about God.
Marriage is God's earthly example of our covenant with Him. Forgiveness, even when it might not be deserved. Humble beyond comprehension. Trust beyond comprehension. Servant-hood. It's all there.
So, despite the out-cries of this weird and tainted 'feminism" plaguing our society - you are going to see my ask my husband before I make plans to see my friend. You need to know that I ask my husband before I spend a certain amount of money. At my house around 5:30 PM I am tidying up my house before my husband comes home so he doesn't walk into a mess. Not because I'm weak - but because I have RESPECT for this man.
Respect for my husband. For that man that he is and for the life that we have together. But, if for nothing else, because the Lord God has instructed me to.
I am a submissive wife - all the days of my life.
